It’s easy to romanticize drinking, even if you have found that you love being sober. That elegant image of a beautiful woman relaxing with a glass of wine at the end of a long hard day is everywhere. Actually, a woman confidently slugging back an entire bottle of wine because she deserves it, is normalized by everything from XL wine glasses to all of those adorable products that you can hide a bottle of wine in, from your sports bra to your purse. Take it Away Rosé all Day!!!
I will be 100 days sober very soon and am thrilled to have cut the ball and chain that wine o’clock was for me. I want to remind myself what my days used to look like when they ended with wine. There was really very little joy or elegance in this mum’s wine time.
When I was drinking, I would finish work, pick kids up, do dinner and homework.
5pm, hmmm –
Hubby will be home soon-
So do I want wine tonight… (of course I do, but let’s pretend I’m active in making this decision).
Feed hubby, then I start getting scratchy. I’m in the slops already, but I want to pop to the shop – where did I go for booze yesterday? The garage? So my stash is gone? Shit that means I will have to get dressed again and go to a proper shop, (because only alcoholics go to Tesco’s in their stained old trackies , right?)
Get kids in pjs, then-
me calling out to other half
I’m just popping to the shops
– him wearily saying “ok” (he knows why I’m going)
Get back from shops with wine and other stuff I didn’t need so I didn’t look like I was just buying alcohol (my basket probably had a greetings card in it for good measure- just to show the bottle (or two) of white was a gift 😜)
Put slops back on. Drink first glass (quickly). Kids start playing up. It’s getting later and I want my uninterrupted wine time. Argue with kids, spend ages getting them to settle, interspersed with trips to the fridge to top up.
Finally they are asleep. Be extra kind to other half (recovering alcoholic) to disguise I’m getting pissed. He goes to watch tv in bed.
I’m downstairs, can’t concentrate and flick channels, more wine. Clock watching, what time do I need to drive tomorrow? Panic a bit, throw up said alcohol and eat loads to “soak it up”.
Go to bed- wake at least 4 times in night and down 2 gallons of water. Fall into deep sleep as alarm goes off. Get kids ready, feeling like crap, patience low. Do breathalyser (I’ve rung friends to take kids to school before if I’ve been over limit and said I had gas man coming/ plumber/ stomach upset.. you get the picture.)
Drive kids to school, eat half pack polos on the way, be extra bubbly at drop off even though now feel horrendous. Buy sandwich/ pasty/ burger on way to work- it’s only 10am. Finally work is over… then rinse and repeat.
Man that took a lot to write let alone do…what a waste of me for nothing!
Because I remember Wine o’clock I won’t Drink!
I won’t drink because I have power over alcohol while I’m not drinking it.
I won’t drink because I dont like who I am as a wife when I drink.
I won’t drink because I don’t like who I am as a mother when I drink.
I won’t drink because I will be proud of myself in the morning if I don’t drink.
I won’t drink because I will learn how to sit with feelings of discomfort if I don’t drink.
I won’t drink because I will wake up hangover free tomorrow morning.
I won’t drink because tomorrow is day 11.
I won’t drink because I don’t want to let myself down.
I won’t drink because I don’t like who I am when I drink.
I won’t drink because this feeling will pass, and I will still be sober and not regretful.
I won’t drink because I deserve better.
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“I think I have a problem with drinking”
How do you go Sober? ( more reading in blue titles)
B Be accountable Talk to Us We Understand
A Avoid alcohol like the plague Ideas Here
L Let yourself enjoy regular sober treats Ideas Here
A Allow yourself to cry when needed Ideas Here
N Nourish your body with good food Ideas Here
C Create happy & fun memories Ideas Here
E Enjoy the precious moments in your day Ideas Here
W Work hard to get what you want Ideas Here
O Organise things for less stress Ideas Here
R Realise you can’t control it all Ideas Here
K Keep going & prepare for success Ideas Here
S Sleep enough for body & mind rest Sleep Solutions
One response to “Wine o’clock – A Memoir”
There’s so much freedom once the wine witch is evicted from our minds… she took up too much real estate and brain power. I’m so glad that I believed in myself enough to stop with the wine o’clock. Great story!