I drank to mute body pain. I drank to mute crippling anxiety. I drank to mute the clamor of my workday still banging around inside my skull hours after it was over. And I stopped because alcohol was making me sick. It was hard. I had to figure out how to live with all the feelings I drank to stop feeling.

I drank to block out work related image’s & memories and the emotions they evoked.
I stopped because if I’d have stayed on that path it would have killed me – I’m 100% sure of that.
Eventually, the drink kicked out all the monsters in the room & became worse than all of them put together. I was too far gone to see it.
‘ The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled’

I drank to block out work related image’s & memories and the emotions they evoked.
I stopped because if id have stayed on that path it would have killed me – I’m 100% sure of that.
Eventually, the drink kicked out all the monsters in the room & became worse than all of them put together. I was too far gone to see it.
‘ The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled’

I drank to block out work related image’s & memories and the emotions they evoked.
I stopped because if id have stayed on that path it would have killed me – I’m 100% sure of that.
Eventually, the drink kicked out all the monsters in the room & became worse than all of them put together. I was too far gone to see it.
‘ The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled’

1 – Yes

2 – “Drinking: A Love Story”, Caroline Knapp; “Dry”, Augustan Burroughs

3) To be honest, far too many to name. But “The Obstacle Course” from Clare Pooley’s blog, which is reposted here from time to time…powerful stuff! 

Don’t touch the boat post. Unicorn post. Not my circus not my monkeys post. Halloween post – this one felt so close to home.

Clare Pooley’s book Sober Diaries. Mrs D is Going Without. Belle Robertson – Tired of Thinking About Drinking.

So many posts here have affected me so deeply.

I’d rather read really great, practical advice than memoirs, partly because I find them hard to relate to.  I’ve been hugely inspired by many of the articles from Boozemusings and Boom. The ones about neuroplasticity and sober treats have been very useful, and I just love Mrs P’s tough-love approach.

Mrs D is going without and The Joy of Being Sober and Dry all had a big impact on me. Probably the biggest impact (because it was what helped me to actually stop) was This Naked Mind – really helped some stuff to click.

I listened to a lot of Recovery Elevator podcasts in my early days and This Naked Mind where people shared their stories – those really helped me. And Home – the Holly Whittaker and Laura McKowen podcast.

Don’t Touch the Boat post always lands. And honestly, it’s those every day things from people, where they make it past a challenging situation, or see things from a different angle that helps in some way – I love the constant new perspectives and the willingness of people to share highs and lows.

I gobbled quit lit at first… Alcohol Explained, staying sober without AA, under the influence, biology of desire…they all helped me understand what happens to the brain with long term drinking and what happens when we stop. I got something a little different from all of those reads. I did the 30 day alcohol experiment…well half of it anyway, and that helped during those first couple of weeks. Then I found The Untethered Soul thanks to a post here and that catapulted me into my current spiritual journey which has taken me farther into sobriety and living life AF than anything else independently. All of the things helped, this community being number one, because without Boom, I would have never found quit lit at all…

A real sober treat for me is getting up early every morning.
Wake up, come round a bit & then lean into the day in my own time, with a decent coffee.
Priceless.

Oh, & Haagen Dazs ice cream. I could eat buckets of that stuff.Oh, & Haagen Dazs ice cream. I could eat buckets of that stuff.

I needed sober treats every evening around 5pm for the first good three years of sobriety. Something sweet and pretty to drink. Olives, potato chips in pretty bowls. I also calculated how much money I saved every month by not drinking, and spent that amount on a facial, or pedicure, or haircut. Still do that from time to time.

The biggest treat for me is waking up feeling good and with my brain clear. But I also need other types which I either do little things or I save for a big one. Treats are critical!

In beginning sobriety, I would buy myself something fun for $5-$6 from the gift shop where I worked at the time. Then once a month I’d buy myself something a little more expensive…like $25-$50…I was also tracking how much money I was saving, so I felt good about buying myself something I wouldn’t have previously…then I started self care treats like getting my nails done every two weeks and getting massages once a month…the trinkets helped because they were tangible items and I could see them all the time and remind myself why I was doing this. At 7 months AF I got myself a tattoo…and now I get one every year for my soberversary! 🥰 That first tattoo saved my sobriety many, many times!

In the beginning I used the inspiration here to create a daily toolbox full of sweet treats, bath salts, cozy pj’s, and mindless reading and TV. Every month I bought myself something small but meaningful to celebrate the milestone. I was realizing last night that I always have a little dessert a couple hours after dinner, and I really look forward to my cookies and milk (or whatever). I’ve made a ritual of it, and even just anticipating it lights up my brain with happy chemicals. I had pretty much given up dessert when I was drinking.

I’ve flipped back and forth from that transition so many times. I’m sick of thinking about needing to quit, to then trying to quit, to then failing, then needing to quit again. Where I’ll be tomorrow I don’t know, but today I’m not drinking.

Took me about 5yrs from starting to feel sick & tired of it, to having my last Day 1.
Inbetween was a lot of things, but mostly…. what’s the word I’m looking for?
‘Shitshow’, that’s it.

Almost lost everything & everyone. Wouldn’t have blamed them at all.
Never, never going back to that, which is why I’m still here every day. Support & accountability are vital for my continued sobriety.
Word.

For me it was should stop » want to stop. It took me about 2.5 years from the time I discovered Moderation.org during a bout with a stomach virus to the day I stopped.

I don’t think I ever truly believed it would happen, that it was “going to,” and then suddenly the moment was there. As I’ve said before, it was the persistence of learning, the curiosity about rewiring my brain and reading memoirs and quit lit about other people’s stories. That made me feel like less of a weirdo, that I actually wasn’t so different from other people.

I knew I had a problem with alcohol for about 10 years. Every few months I’d try unsuccessfully to moderate my intake, even after realizing that it was never going to work. As I aged, the hangovers became unbearable. Finally one day I decided I was done, and I quit. It’s been nearly 7 years.

It took me 16 months to reach my final Day One, and from there it was a commitment to not drink for 6 months (I knew I could do that). After that, I decided to keep going (AF) and see where it took me. And it led me to “I don’t need to drink anymore” and “I don’t want to drink anymore”. I really think the key factor is the willingness to explore longer and longer AF periods. That is when resistance is broken down.

I’m here six years in to trying to give alcohol the boot. This time it’s just the end. I have been paying close attention to long timers and my health. The conclusion is when I drink, it’s wrong. All wrong. Doesn’t matter how much or how often anymore. Any alcohol is too much alcohol.

Now the battle to let that become my true reality. To stop the pushback. The lure. The myth. The lie.

This previous 100 day challenge was not 100% af. This current challenge will be. I’m removing wiggle room. I have to stop leaving space to drink.

It took me losing the person I love the most in this world. 💔

When I stopped drinking, my kids were teenagers, so I was still providing food every evening for the family. That whole process of being in the kitchen on my own to to cook was tied in with drinking to “de-stress” from the day, so I had to change that routine. I did what I could to prep meals in advance, so I could make sure I wasn’t in the kitchen during that period of the day. In retrospect, what I realise is we could have just eaten sandwiches and freezer food for dinner for 3 months – it honestly wouldn’t have mattered as much as it mattered that I stopped drinking.

One of the big wins for me to de-stress was getting outside. Walking my dog gave a great excuse, but just getting outside has always been a good way of “changing the subject”. Or if outside is difficult, because of time, then a bit of quiet time or meditation – even if only for 10 minutes. I used guided meditations from headspace, plus I did mindfulness for stress course, which gave me access to some good recorded meditations.

I started using alcohol to unwind from my workday when I was in my mid-40s, perimenopausal and grieving my mother’s sudden death, dealing with almost-completely-empty-nest syndrome and feeling like I was stuck in a dead-end job. Anxiety through the roof and a sense that I’d made a wrong turn somewhere in my professional life. Ego problems. The issues resolved themselves by the time I was 50, but the booze was there to stay for another 19 years, when I realized that I was killing myself with it. I’ve been AF for almost 7 years now, and figuring out how to let go of a stressful day took a long time and can still feel challenging.

What helps: making a soothing cup of tea and drinking it slowly. Definitely putting on some music and singing along loudly. Taking a long bath with scented bath salts and a book (nothing too heavy). Listening to birds with the Merlin app. Doing some conscious deep breathing.

I am enjoying the gym, treadmill with headphones on, music loud a great deal stress tool. I also love how i feel after a great yoga session! Oh and I admit, I still succumb to an occasional sugar treat.

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