I drink because I’m happy. I drink because I’m sad, lonely, angry or to reward myself for being sober for a week.
I do not drink because I’m happy. I don’t need to drink when I’m sad, lonely or angry. I reward myself for being sober for a week by being sober for another.
I drink because I want to. I drink when I don’t want to. I drink for no reason and any reason. I drink today because I drank yesterday and want to feel better. But I won’t.
I don’t drink because I don’t want to drink. I have many reasons not to drink but really don’t require any. I don’t drink today because I did not drink yesterday and want to continue feeling good. And I will.
I drink alone, sneaking bottles into my house so my neighbours won’t see, and slip the empties out in the trash for fear the recycling centre staff think I’m a drunk.
I don’t drink alone for I have nothing to hide.
I drink because I feel helpless and weak. I don’t drink because I feel helpless and weak.
I don’t drink and because of that, I no longer feel helpless and weak.
There’s the irony in it. I drink to feel better but don’t feel better. I drink to escape but remain a prisoner. I drink in celebration and create a tragedy. I revel at night and wallow in the morning.
There is no irony. It is simple. I don’t drink and I feel better, for I have escaped my prison. I celebrate that the tragedies I created have ended. I revel in my sobriety both morning and night.
It’s hard to believe or comprehend. At times, impossible to deny. Painful to live with but less painful to be without.
I have abandoned denial and pain to be replaced with conviction and understanding because I do not drink.
I am bruised and tired. I don’t need that kind of hurt anymore. Today I will try just a bit harder. Today I will take one step towards healing. When today comes to an end I will have a yesterday behind me and a new day ahead.
My bruises are healed, I am rested, and the hurt has gone. Today I will not drink and will remain on my path. When today comes to an end I will have a yesterday behind me and a new day ahead.
This is why I do not drink. Will you join me?
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This post is by Rob Morton , the self published author of Stuff I Wrote and a member of BOOM the Independent, anonymous, private community inside Boozemusings.
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