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I Drink Because …
I drink because I’m happy. I drink because I’m sad, lonely, angry or to reward myself for being sober for a week.
I do not drink because I’m happy. I don’t need to drink when I’m sad, lonely or angry. I reward myself for being sober for a week by being sober for another.
I drink because I want to. I drink when I don’t want to. I drink for no reason and any reason. I drink today because I drank yesterday and want to feel better. But I won’t.
I don’t drink because I don’t want to drink. I have many reasons not to drink but really don’t require any. I don’t drink today because I did not drink yesterday and want to continue feeling good. And I will.
I drink alone, sneaking bottles into my house so my neighbours won’t see, and slip the empties out in the trash for fear the recycling centre staff think I’m a drunk.
I don’t drink alone for I have nothing to hide.
I drink because I feel helpless and weak. I don’t drink because I feel helpless and weak.
I don’t drink and because of that, I no longer feel helpless and weak.
There’s the irony in it. I drink to feel better but don’t feel better. I drink to escape but remain a prisoner. I drink in celebration and create a tragedy. I revel at night and wallow in the morning.
There is no irony. It is simple. I don’t drink and I feel better, for I have escaped my prison. I celebrate that the tragedies I created have ended. I revel in my sobriety both morning and night.
It’s hard to believe or comprehend. At times, impossible to deny. Painful to live with but less painful to be without.
I have abandoned denial and pain to be replaced with conviction and understanding because I do not drink.
I am bruised and tired. I don’t need that kind of hurt anymore. Today I will try just a bit harder. Today I will take one step towards healing. When today comes to an end I will have a yesterday behind me and a new day ahead.
My bruises are healed, I am rested, and the hurt has gone. Today I will not drink and will remain on my path. When today comes to an end I will have a yesterday behind me and a new day ahead.
This is why I do not drink. Will you join me?
By the author of
The Conversation in my Head
I hear a distant voice telling me I deserve a reward.
“You’ve done well” it says.
“Damn right!” I proudly proclaim.
“Feeling pretty good?” I hear it ask.
“You know it” I reply.
“You’re rather proud of yourself” the voice notes. And, yes I am. “You should be” it says.
I am enjoying my accomplishment, I admit to myself, feeling confident and a bit smug. Yesterday was a challenging day but I overcame that. I’ve begun to work on some personal issues that I wanted to address. Taken care of neglected chores. Mentally, I pat myself on the back.
“You deserve a treat” I hear, “You should celebrate”.
“I should” I think to myself, “I do deserve it”.
“A nice glass of wine or a whiskey would be a good way to mark the milestone” whispers the voice.
“I beg your pardon?” I ask.
“As part of a nice dinner of course. Like an appetizer. Just one.” The voice is quite convincing.
“No, I shouldn’t. I can’t” I say, standing my ground.
“You can” it replies “you’re much stronger now and confident. Just one, that’s all. It would be fun.”
Fun sounds good and I am a stronger person. Perhaps it’s not such a bad idea. I should celebrate.
“Of course you should” comes the encouragement. ”You deserve this and you can handle it.”
“Can I?” I wonder; then play the movie through………
I go out and shop for my dinner then stop at the liquor store. Of course you can’t buy just one glass of wine so I choose a bottle of red and head towards the checkout but then I pause and think, “That whiskey sounded pretty good and would make a good nightcap”. So I pick up a bottle of that as well and purchase my celebratory supplies.
At home, the whiskey meant as a nightcap becomes a pre-dinner drink. I stop after one, complimenting myself on my restraint then open the bottle of wine to have one glass with dinner. While dining, one glass becomes two and three and so on.
“That’s ok” I think. I was eating. No harm done. I settle in to watch a movie and remember the whiskey. I’m a bit tired, I realize, so maybe I should have my nightcap a bit early least I fall asleep before drinking it.
I wake up in the early hours of the morning. There are two empty bottles on my counter. I feel like shit.
In the distance I hear a voice, “Feeling bad?” it asks. “You deserve to feel better”.
Today I will not listen to the voice and I will not drink.
Will you join me ?
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This post is by Rob Morton , the self published author of Stuff I Wrote and a member of BOOM the Independent, anonymous, private community inside Boozemusings .
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How do you go Sober? ( more reading in blue titles)
B Be accountable Talk to Us We Understand
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A Allow yourself to cry when needed Ideas Here
N Nourish your body with good food Ideas Here
C Create happy & fun memories Ideas Here
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W Work hard to get what you want Ideas Here
O Organise things for less stress Ideas Here
R Realise you can’t control it all Ideas Here
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