I am so excited to be hosting as we discuss Between Breaths by Elizabeth Vargas. I have always liked watching her on TV, and I am always inspired by celebrities who choose to publicly share their struggles with addiction.
In the first section of the book, “Chasing the Glow,” Vargas summarizes her reason for drinking in a way that I imagine many of us can relate to.
“The nervous worry and the edginess I carried with me all day would melt away, and I would bask in a chardonnay glow.”
Even now as I am approaching 7 years alcohol-free, this sentence is a little difficult to write. I’m in a place in my personal life where that glow would feel welcoming. I remember it so well. That word chase feels so appropriate to me. Every addiction I have faced has been a result of that chase.
She also identifies her own imposter syndrome that she drank to escape.
“I was insecure and terrified someone would wake up and say, ‘Hey, what are you doing here? You don’t belong here!’ and then unceremoniously show me the exit…The world would see me for the fraud that some part of me had always believed I was.”
I know that this was one of the main reasons I drank. I needed to escape the fear and anxiety that had wrapped themselves around the core of my being. It was only through a drink, and then two, and then ten that their suffocating grip on me loosened and I felt worthy to be.
The phrase that made me think the most, though, occurs on the first page of Part I.
“I don’t know if I was born an alcoholic…”
Personally, I don’t use the word alcoholic to describe myself, but “I don’t know if I was born an addict…” begs the same question. This sticks with me particularly as I navigate raising kids. It makes me wonder if there is an alternative world where I could have drank responsibly. Was there ever a chance that I could have been a normal drinker? For me, that ship has sailed, but as I look at my 17-year-old and 11-year-old daughters, I wonder if there’s a nature/nurture relationship to drinking. Will my kids see the adults in their life celebrate victories and mourn losses without alcohol and be able to do so themselves, or will the circumstances of their life and their brain wiring make them predisposed to chase that glow like I did?
If any of this feels relatable to you, consider grabbing a copy of the book and reading along. Or, if you have anything to add to these excerpts, please do!
Open the discussion posts with the links below and join the conversation in our private community space.
- Between Breaths: Chasing the Glow (Day 1)
- Between Breaths: There Was a Little Girl… (Day 2)
- Between Breaths: There Was a Little Girl… (Day 3)
- Between Breaths: Big Girls Don’t Cry (Day 4)
- Between Breaths: Big Girls Don’t Cry (Day 5)
- Between Breaths: The Big Stage (Day 6)
- Between Breaths: The Big Stage (Day 7)
- To be continued …
JOIN US ! IN A BOOK CLUB ABOUT MUCH MORE THAN QUIT LIT
You can access our Boom Community Book Club archive with the titles below.
- The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Sober Diaries – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Blackout – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Chasing the Scream – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Untamed – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Push Off From Here – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Staying Sober Without AA – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts – A Boorts m Community Book Club Discussion
- Dry by Augusten Burroughs – A Boom Community Book Club Discussion
- A Million Little Pieces – A Boom Community Book Club Discussion
- Drinking a Love Story– A Boom Community Book Club Discussion
- The Shining – A Boom Community Book Club Discussion
- The Artists Way – A Boom Community Book Club Discussion
- No Bad Parts – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
- Lit – A Boom Community Book Club Selection
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