No Bad Parts Chapter Four – More on Systems
“Within each of us is a wise, compassionate essence of goodness that knows how to relate harmoniously.” I love this concept. It makes me like myself.
There were some nice points in this chapter, particularly the encouragement to end the negative feedback loop so many of us have with ourselves – “going to war” against ourselves. Schwartz takes the opposite argument, promising that “listening… and loving… helps them heal and transform.”
Ending there would be enough lessons to last a lifetime, but I will continue with a quick summary of chapter 4 – “More on Systems.” Overall, this chapter read quickly for me. It was more theoretical, and I understand and have had a lot of training in “systems thinking” (I was a teacher for 13 years and have been in the corporate insurance world for almost 10; I have been to many seminars in chilled hotel conference rooms.) It’s a useful summary of the concept if you are unfamiliar. Schwartz always does a good job of keeping it both basic and thorough – not easy to do! But, basically, it’s evidence for the concept that our “inner world” is a system of “parts” who interact and determine the direction of our lives. Would anyone who is also reading agree with this overarching summary? Other thoughts would include, with love, we can unburden these parts and allow our Self (definition to be determined…) take lead.
Anyway, the Daily IFS Meditation as read by Dr. Schwartz in the audio version of the book was cool. I have done the exercises pretty faithfully, so these three parts (at least) seem pretty clear. So, I kind of checked in with them and we all agreed that my Self could be in charge for the day. They were thrilled, and I felt like they trusted Me to do that. I ended the meditation, and felt great. Like my Self. It’s hard to describe, but I felt energized and happy. Not about anything, but as a general underlying vibration.
I kept reading, “ As I go through my day, I often pause and notice how much I’m in this state.” And I knew what “this state” meant. That underlying vibration of positive energy and joyful perspective. And I knew that I am very rarely in that state! And with that break in awareness, my tried and true parts took over and started trying to put together my day themselves. I went from feeling “enlightened” to feeling controlled by my own thoughts. It was shocking to observe how quickly and easily I became “unconscious” to these parts running my life.
It was exciting and disheartening (ha!) all at once. I like knowing what “this state” felt like, and it is fun to feel like I can get back there. But, my, how quickly it was broken. So the goal becomes staying in “this state” for longer and longer periods of time. I could see this meditation becoming a daily routine. I timed it at about 10 minutes, and I think the conscious act of asking some of the more outspoken parts if my Self to give me a little space to try to run things. Hearing their fears and promising to be a loving and fair leader helps. Usually, in these meditations, my parts are willing to step back. It’s in the heat of the moment, when they are triggered that still feels hijacked.
Through these exercises and other meditations and reading, I have identified the following “parts” that have a tendency to make decisions for me, or take over my day: critic, bitch, drill sergeant, people-pleaser, bully, victim/martyr, saboteur (another version of critic). Wow – think I need a self-love lesson? The names that pop into my mind as I work with these parts are not very nice! For me, that’s a trailhead, and I think that the next chapter might help with that. I’m ready to learn more about classifying these parts. Some seem related or the same, and I obviously need help with looking at them in a loving way. Onward!
If you are reading our posts, but not really trying the IFS “parts” stuff, think about the last time you said (or thought), “Well, part of me wants to….” I think most of us could find examples of this thinking throughout our day:
Part of me wants to sleep in, but part of me wants to do my morning pages.
Part of me wants to go get alcohol and drink, but part of me wants to keep my promise to myself.
Part of me wants to go for a walk, but part of me wants to binge-watch my favorite show.
What this book argues is that those aren’t just random thoughts, but actual “parts” of us who become so entrenched in our lives that they are in charge. And it’s learning about these parts and “unburdening” them so they can return to being valuable to us.
I think, in its simplest form, IFS is asking us to notice when we have those “part of me wants to…” moments, and give a little pause to see that as a trailhead to explore your inner world just a little bit.
If you’ve made it this far, share with us what your “part of me wants to…” dilemma this week? If you are practicing IFS, what are the parts at play?
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